Jerry Lawler movies list and roles (WWE Raw - Season 1, King of the Ring (1993) and others...)

[when asked if Stu Hart was betting that Owen Hart would win the match] He gave up betting after the Civil War.

[on Owen Hart running away from Stone Cold Steve Austin] Looks like Owen opened up a can of haul-ass!

She wants me. I can read her like a book, but I prefer the Braille edition.

You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions.

Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!

If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?

[about Road Dogg] When he was in Desert Storm, he was getting shot at by both sides.

[Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real anyway, but I don't think McMahon wants to...Show more »

[Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real anyway, but I don't think McMahon wants to lose them". Show less «

[talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives birth to a baby every four seconds. Now ...Show more »

[talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives birth to a baby every four seconds. Now I'm going to go over there and find that woman and put a stop to it so we wouldn't have people like this coming into our country. Show less «

[Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You know my only regret is that I can't sit...Show more »

[Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You know my only regret is that I can't sit out in the audience and watch me. Show less «

I'd like to see things from your point of view JR, but I'd have to get my head out of my rear end.

Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.

[to Jim Ross] You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!"

[Terry Funk did a moonsault and hit his leg on the security railing] The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.

[commenting on the movie Congo (1995)] I've seen better film on teeth.

[to X-Pac] If brains were chocolate, he still wouldn't fill an M&M!

[talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little while to kick in you know? [Jim Ross says L...Show more »

[talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little while to kick in you know? [Jim Ross says Lawler doesn't need it] "No, I'm talking about you, J.R." Show less «

Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.

Everytime I look at Luna's face, I think she should put the bag back on.

When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates!

Mabel is so huge, when he was a baby, he got baptized at Sea World!

[Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at scho...Show more »

[Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school. Show less «

Mark Henry just walked in front of me. I thought it was an eclipse!

[a five year old girl cheering Shawn Michaels] Look at her! Now I know why animals eat their young.

Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.

Mae Young is so old, when David killed Goliath, she called the cops!

Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.

This is bad! We should call the police. What's the number for the police around here again? 911-DONUTS or something?

Diesel is so stupid, he thought Hamburger Helper came with a person.

[Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his face. If I can bend ...Show more »

[Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his face. If I can bend down that far! Show less «

[Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has two of t...Show more »

[Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has two of them! Show less «

I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally!

Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose?

[on Ahmed Johnson] He has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt!

[on Mankind] That guy is two fries short of a Happy Meal.

Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!

This bingo hall (ECW Arena) should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but s**t!

[about a ringside fan on camera] He can pick up cable with those ears!

[on Sable, wearing an extremely revealing outfit] I've seen more cotton on the top of an aspirin bottle!

Yokozuna is nothing but an ingrate! If it was not for James E. Cornette, Yokozuna would still be on a beach selling shade!

[on Alundra Blayze] She's got a million dollar body, but a ten cent face!

Vince McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown!

[after Vince McMahon said Road Dogg can sing as good as well as he can wrestle] Then he won't win many matches!

I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date.

I've heard of a face that could stop a clock, her face could stop Switzerland's!

Hey Finkel, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it!

I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the head!

A little sex on TV never hurt anyone...unless you fall off!

[to Vince McMahon] You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe!

[Jim Ross says he has two daughters] "Not packing enough chromosomes, huh? I'm sorry Ross!

[Jim Ross asks why Lawler keeps referring to these fans as idiots and morons] We gave them an IQ test and the results came back negative!

[about Debra McMichael] If her skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar!

(Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of your butt and you'd have a different vi...Show more »

(Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of your butt and you'd have a different view!" Show less «

What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!

Look at Paul Bearer. Looks like somebody dropped an ugly bomb on him.

Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.

(to Macho Man Randy Savage) "Nice outfit, did the bag lady give that to you?"

Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade?

(to Mick Foley) "Hey Mick, where'd you get your haircut? I want to make sure I don't go there by mistake!"

If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk.

(about Mae Young) "Her wrinkles have wrinkles."

Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back.

When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.

(about the Fabulous Moolah) "She was a waitress at the last supper."

(about the Blue Meanie) "He's the reason for separate beds."

Women should be ob-scene and not heard.

(about Mark Henry) "Look at the lips on that guy, he could french kiss a moose."

(to Michael Cole) "She's not your type. She's not inflatable."

She's had more hands on her than a doorknob.

I couldn't warm up to Andy Kaufman if we were cremated together.

(about Goldust) "He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person, but..."

The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.

(about the Legion of Doom) "The older they get, the better they were."

The only reason why Taka Michinoku is here in this country is because there are too many people in Japan.

(about Crash Holly) "Crash is so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo!"

There goes Matt Hardy! Go Matt! ...Oh wait a minute, I'm rooting for the Dudleys...somebody stop Matt!

You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist.

You know what they say in Arkansas...manure happens.

(Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, where are his gold medals?) "Canada never...Show more »

(Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, where are his gold medals?) "Canada never wins any medals!" Show less «

(talking to Michael Coulthard (aka "Michael Cole") "Your proctologist called, he said he found your head".

(When asked if he was an "ass man"): "Well I must be, because everywhere I go people say, 'you're an ass, man!'"

When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!

(Referring to Stacy Keibler dancing on the commentators' desk) "All these curves, and no brakes!"

(After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have to admit it, your feet are the smellies...Show more »

(After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have to admit it, your feet are the smelliest there is, the smelliest there was, and the smelliest there ever will be!" Show less «

"I don't think Victoria has been right since that house fell on her sister (referring to Le magicien d'Oz (1939)).

(about the Spirit Squad) These guys have a future in delivering pizzas.

[on seeing Shawn Michaels defeating Bret Hart in Montreal]: I was as shocked as Bret Hart was, but I was not quite as upset!