Albert Brooks (22 July 1947, Beverly Hills, California, USA) movies list and roles

Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.

I've always felt like I work in a small little area that doesn't represent anything like the rest of society.

[on Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World (2005)] For so long afterward [9/11], whenever I heard anyone talk about Muslims, it was in assoc...Show more »

[on Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World (2005)] For so long afterward [9/11], whenever I heard anyone talk about Muslims, it was in association with terrorism. But I thought, "What could I do in a teeny way - and believe me, it's a teeny way - to defuse this?" There had to be some way to separate the 1.5 billion people who don't want to kill us from the 100,000 or so who do. I thought if I could get five Muslims and six Hindus and maybe 3 Jews to laugh for 90 minutes, then I've accomplished something. Show less «

We export films that are full of sleazy [penis] jokes and toilet humor that's why we've earned the affectionate nickname of the Great Satan....Show more »

We export films that are full of sleazy [penis] jokes and toilet humor that's why we've earned the affectionate nickname of the Great Satan.What's seemingly benign, by our standards, is doing more damage to us around the world than anything I could ever do. Show less «

Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit com...Show more »

Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it. Show less «

When I die, if the word "thong" appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

There was a time when I was probably too cautious about my career. Maybe I could have taken more chances. But, you know, when Garry Marshall...Show more »

There was a time when I was probably too cautious about my career. Maybe I could have taken more chances. But, you know, when Garry Marshall came to me with Pretty Woman (1990) there was no Julia Roberts. It was just this silly script about a prostitute. And at the time I was offered Big (1988), I wanted to dig my teeth into a grown-up character. I didn't want to play little kids. But I'm getting better at this sort of thing. I'm taking more chances. Show less «

[on Taxi Driver (1976)] After we finished the movie, Schrader [Paul Schrader] came up to me at the cast party and said, "I want to thank you...Show more »

[on Taxi Driver (1976)] After we finished the movie, Schrader [Paul Schrader] came up to me at the cast party and said, "I want to thank you. That was the only guy in the script I didn't know". I said to him, "That's the guy you didn't know? You knew every pimp and murderer, but the guy who gets up and goes to work every day--him you didn't know?" Show less «

[on the failure of Modern Romance (1981)] The [studio heads] were angry. It was like I had shot a child . . . I was depressed, but then one ...Show more »

[on the failure of Modern Romance (1981)] The [studio heads] were angry. It was like I had shot a child . . . I was depressed, but then one day I was sitting at home and the phone rings. It's Stanley Kubrick. He had seen the movie and wanted to know how I did it. That's the first thing he said: "How did you make this movie? I've always wanted to make a movie about jealousy". I said to him, "The guy who did '2001' [2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)] is asking me how I did something?" Show less «

[on Stanley Kubrick] He asked to see the script [for Lost in America (1985)], so I sent him a copy. He called back and said he liked it but ...Show more »

[on Stanley Kubrick] He asked to see the script [for Lost in America (1985)], so I sent him a copy. He called back and said he liked it but had some suggestions. He thought the couple should split up and not get back together until the end--as a sort of surprise. I immediately said, "Oh, no, that's a terrible idea". That was the last conversation we had. Show less «

[on casting Mother (1996)] It took me four months to get Doris Day to see me. She lives up in Monterey, so I had to take one of those little...Show more »

[on casting Mother (1996)] It took me four months to get Doris Day to see me. She lives up in Monterey, so I had to take one of those little planes where everyone has to weigh themselves. When I got there, before I sat down, she says to me, "I'm not going to do this movie, but I just so much wanted to meet you". But it was a pleasant afternoon. I remember she had, like, 30 dogs. She took me in back of her house where there was this graveyard, and she said very seriously, "This is where the dogs go". I tried to make her laugh. I said, " . . . to the bathroom?" She got upset. Show less «

[on his father's death onstage] The interesting thing to me was that he finished. He could have died in the middle. He could have done it on...Show more »

[on his father's death onstage] The interesting thing to me was that he finished. He could have died in the middle. He could have done it on the way over there. But he didn't. He finished. And he was as good as he'd ever been in his life. Show less «

[on being called "neurotic"] I have feelings about that. It's an interesting world we live in when Arnold Schwarzenegger can kill 115 people...Show more »

[on being called "neurotic"] I have feelings about that. It's an interesting world we live in when Arnold Schwarzenegger can kill 115 people in a movie and he's fine. I drive around a woman's house twice, and I'm neurotic. Go figure. Show less «

[on why he changed his name from Einstein to Brooks] Do I even have to answer?

Normally movies have the same people they use over and over for everything. It's called typecasting. They don't like to take chances. They'l...Show more »

Normally movies have the same people they use over and over for everything. It's called typecasting. They don't like to take chances. They'll go with the guy they had before. Show less «

I made my living in comedy but I'm not a silly person. I've got all these sides to me. Even in my movies that I've written myself, the chara...Show more »

I made my living in comedy but I'm not a silly person. I've got all these sides to me. Even in my movies that I've written myself, the characters sometimes border on great anger or nutsiness or other kinds of behavior. I'm not just doing fart jokes for two hours. Show less «

[on choosing to play Bernie Rose, a non-comedic, vicious killer, in Drive (2011)] The villains of the world don't walk around like villains....Show more »

[on choosing to play Bernie Rose, a non-comedic, vicious killer, in Drive (2011)] The villains of the world don't walk around like villains. That's how they suck people in. They're charming. If you buy the movie and you've invested in the movie, the character can go anywhere you want. Show less «

[on auditioning for Drive (2011) director Nicolas Winding Refn] He asked why I thought I was right for the part, and I said, "Because you co...Show more »

[on auditioning for Drive (2011) director Nicolas Winding Refn] He asked why I thought I was right for the part, and I said, "Because you could cast me, or you could cast somebody who does this all the time, and as soon as he comes on the screen everybody will know who he is." Show less «

People ask me all the time about improv, and I tell them that improv is just the final icing. You need a structure. It's like, if you're goi...Show more »

People ask me all the time about improv, and I tell them that improv is just the final icing. You need a structure. It's like, if you're going to commit suicide, you need the building to jump out of. Show less «

This getting old is something. I think I envy my dog, because my dog is sixteen and she's limping and she's still living, but she doesn't lo...Show more »

This getting old is something. I think I envy my dog, because my dog is sixteen and she's limping and she's still living, but she doesn't look at me like she knows. She's not thinking what I'm thinking. It's a cruel trick that we all know the ending. Show less «

[on his greatest fear] That three days before I die I'll find out what happiness means.

[on the talent he would most like to have] Parting the Red Sea would be cool.

[on his favorite hero in fiction] The second of the three little pigs. In normal usage, his stick house should have been sufficient. He just...Show more »

[on his favorite hero in fiction] The second of the three little pigs. In normal usage, his stick house should have been sufficient. He just happened to come across a once-in-a-lifetime event. The first pig was stupid. The third pig had obsessive-compulsive disorder. Show less «

When Rex Reed wrote that I had a face like an open sandwich, that was the best moment so far. It's just a thing of mine - I've always wanted...Show more »

When Rex Reed wrote that I had a face like an open sandwich, that was the best moment so far. It's just a thing of mine - I've always wanted to be compared to deli food. Show less «

The relationship between the artist and the audience is rather like a courtship.

In 1972, I did a bit about the word shit, how a comic pulls it out of his arsenal...and nothing has changed. What makes money is a very spec...Show more »

In 1972, I did a bit about the word shit, how a comic pulls it out of his arsenal...and nothing has changed. What makes money is a very specific kind of comedy, aimed at a young male audience, that has a huge amount of shit jokes. The Waterboy makes $150 million; it's like another language to me. I'm convinced that when the aliens finally land, that's what they'll laugh at, too. That's how we'll communicate with the future.....shit jokes. Show less «

Albert Brooks

Albert Brooks's Photos

Albert Brooks's FILMOGRAPHY

The Muse

Defending Your Life

Albert Brooks'S roles