The Lovers

As one of the film's many forgettable characters so eloquently puts it, "This stinks worse than an oyster's fart."

There's a veil of artifice clinging to every aspect of "The Lovers," a thoroughly unconvincing time-traveling epic costume drama pairing a miscast Josh Hartnett and Bollywood beauty Bipasha Basu.

Suckers for romance likely won't complain, but this Josh Hartnett time-travel epic is nuts.

Time may bring good things to light, but the 2010 copyright suggests that delays have worked no such wonders for this film.

It's so deadly and unintentionally funny (I hope) that it practically defies description. Mr. Joffé should go back to film school as soon as possible.

It's hard to root for love to bloom between a stock Strong Female Character and the nicest man in history.

If you're aching to see a tragic tearjerker romance, then the only tears you will shed will be of frustration.

A slew of half-baked characters and a derivative, white-man-in-a-foreign-land plot line make it hard to recommend, despite a handful of inspired moments.

Joffe seems well aware that this is a story not worth telling ... the filmmaking is so hopelessly uninspired that Hartnett's Scottish accent is somehow not its most glaring flaw.

Flailing through centuries, it lacks any meaningful connection between the two timelines.

[The Lovers] strives mightily to be a new Titanic for the Millennium [...]but resoundingly fails at every turn.

Instead of evolving into intriguing lunacy, "The Lovers" loses a critical battle with coherency.